What You Don’t Know About Social Media Until You’ve Taken A Break From It
The day before my three children broke up for the five week summer holiday my eldest child challenged me to take two weeks off Facebook and Instagram. The actual words she used were, “Well, obviously you won’t manage that!” In that instant I knew I had to prove her wrong. For my ten year old to have formed such a view of me that I would not be able to cope without social media for two weeks was deeply saddening. As I draft this blog post, I haven’t actually posted on either of my social media outlets for almost four weeks. I know this isn’t long for some, but for me, this is quite the stretch of time. I stuck to my word and didn’t ‘check in’ at all for the first two weeks. What happened after the two week challenge is what really interests me.
So here are my observations and thoughts about what The Social Media Monster potentially does to us humans in general, and how those two weeks went for me.
How it started
As soon as we shook on the challenge I knew I had to delete the two apps from my phone because, knowing my character, if they were there I would most definitely ‘dip in’ subconsciously.
How it went
I read three books in two weeks, I contacted my actual real-life friends and saw them in actual real-life, I enjoyed my family’s company on holiday, not for how photogenic they are and how beautiful/funny/shareable some of our moments together are but for who they are. I thought about people, places and times in my life I haven’t for a very long time and I lived my life.
I lived my life.
I didn’t photograph my life, share my thoughts about my life as it was happening, tag people I was with in my life, share the location I was doing my life in. I just… lived. Quietly, privately and fully.
In general, my thoughts felt more organised and aligned with my true self than they have in months. Being in social media (and I say in rather than on because it definitely feels like you have escaped some kind of vortex once you have the chance to step away from it) feels similar to being at an overcrowded party or something like Freshers Week at university (if you know, you know). Everyone is vying for my attention, trying to quickly catch me up on their news before I spot someone else I know and they lose me in the crowd, jostling to get in front of me and show me how great their lives are to make me what… jealous? Regretful? Wistful? Hustling, some subtly and some not so much. By showing me what they eat, do, buy, believe, have strong opinions about, support, read and campaign for, I feel that I maybe should think about agreeing with those things too.
Should.
That feeling of what I should be is just sneaking around, creeping in and gradually building… subconsciously.
And then I spot an old friend in the corner at the party who I actually want to talk to and suddenly half an hour has past and I’ve delved deep into their photographs and posts from years ago, I’ve figured out they’ve lost a baby, been married, divorced and travelled the world which has simultaneously made me feel jealous, regretful and wistful, all while I was just ‘popping on’ to see what’s going on.
I’m interested in people’s lives and I care, I really do, but I’m also incredibly nosey and I think the Social Media Beast sometimes makes it hard for us to differentiate between genuinely caring and just being nosey. Because if we genuinely care then how can we swipe by? And the trouble is, when I close the app and go to carry on with my life, I have about 20 people’s situations, problems, ‘hive mind’ questions, polls and opinions floating around in my head. I close the app with a swipe of my thumb but somehow the app stays open in my mind… until I can’t wonder any more and I have to know the solutions to people’s problems, other people’s opinions and comments, or chip in and share my two pennies worth too so I go back on… and the wondering goes on and the swiping too… and so it goes on and on. And somehow, I am meant to be present and carry on with my job, my parenting role, my caring role, my friendships, my own opinions, beliefs and day to day activities and show up fully staying on track with all of that too. And that old friend we genuinely care about and want to catch up with or that urgent task we really needed to do in real-life somehow manages to be drowned out and forgotten beneath the deafening hum of the party and life… just goes on.
In removing the social media apps from my phone, the constant hum of the overcrowded party disappeared. No-one was vying for my attention apart from the people who were actually in my real life. And as a mum of three, one of whom is severely disabled, that’s a lot of attention being vied for already without the distraction of social media.
And likewise, in removing the apps from my phone, I was no longer at the party either. I wasn’t trying to present myself to anyone (I genuinely did give up wearing make-up for two weeks), show anyone all of the things, the activities, the places and the events I had been to, I wasn’t sharing my opinions or thoughts or subtly (and not so subtly) crying out for sympathy or empathy. And then wondering and wondering and wondering what people thought or how many people liked, shared or commented.
And yes, my eldest child asked me several times how I was getting on with my social media break and I felt incredibly proud to say it was going really well. Honestly, if you ever need accountability for something, ask a child to keep you in check. It really does work.
How it’s going now
After the two weeks was up, how did I reconnect with social media? Well, in all honesty I haven’t really yet. I’ve ‘popped on’ a few times but after a few minutes I deleted the apps. I don’t quite know how to re-engage right now. I don’t quite know if I want to just yet. I’m not disappearing forever though. I guess I am less ‘invested’ in the lives of people I hardly know. Those who I follow but don’t know seem not quite so interesting now. Those I am influenced by (yes, most of us are influenced even if we think we’re not) and have held on a pedestal don’t feel quite so special now. Those who I suspected might be trying to sell me an idea, I now know for sure were definitely trying to sell me an idea… even if the idea was as simple as this: my life is better than your life. And those who are my IRL friends too will remain so. I think it’s time for a good, healthy cull of whose lives I see on my phone through the lenses of social media. Equally, it’s time for a good, healthy rethink of how I present my life and the lives of my children on social media, why I even present them in the first place and how, when and how much I am going to use social media as a tool. After all, it’s just a tool. It’s not real people.
My daughter’s challenge was never about affecting how I would social media afterwards, it was just to take a break. We both assumed I would resume normal use afterwards. What’s so interesting to me is that the break I took has ultimately changed how I view The Beast and stepping away from it has shown me exactly what it was doing to my brain and relationships with myself and others.
So for now while I figure out how to find my way back in with healthy boundaries, I will be here, long form, old school blogging on my website.
And friends, stay in touch.