You are more than a list of things you can’t do

I wrote this list three and a half years ago in 2018 when he was five years old and reading it now I realise that Rufus can do so much more now he’s eight. SO much more. Yet some things haven’t really changed. It’s bittersweet. In writing this list, I feel as though I have honoured a small part of his life that would have otherwise been lost and forgotten. Photographs and videos are great for capturing tiny visual snapshots but writing a list of can-dos, just for me, not for anyone else was really powerful. I invite you to do the same.

15 Things You CAN do

1. Every single morning, no matter how badly you have slept or how long you have silently waited for someone to get you out of bed, you give me morning hugs like I’ve just returned from a 40 day excursion to the North Pole.

2. You patiently stroke your baby sister gently on the head while I hold your hand, even though every bone in your body would love to grab her and squeeze her like a stress ball.

3. You lean your head in towards your baby sister’s head close enough so that you are touching, stay there for a few seconds while you smile at her and make your happy noise and that’s your special way of giving her a cuddle.

4. You have a way of getting your big sister out of a grump even when we have tried everything and have given up. Sometimes she whines and cries after a long day at school or if she’s not allowed to have something she wants. You always start with getting your infectious grin right up in her face, then start giggling and sometimes she just magically forgets what she’s cross about and you end up playing together on the floor. She lets you get a good pull on her hair and rolls around with you for a bit. I think this somehow chills her out.

5. You can amuse yourself in the car by laughing hysterically as we drive past people wearing hats or hoods, which, in your mind, are only ever worn for your own personal comedy value.

6. You can initiate a game or activity by picking it up and giving it to (or sometimes tapping it on) another person. Sometimes we don’t let you watch TV even though you continually give us the remote so you try giving it to the TV instead. It hasn’t worked so far but I know you’ll keep persisting, nevertheless.

7. You draw people in for a cuddle with your huge smile and your reaching arms then, before they realise what is happening to them, your reaching arms have turned into grabby hands, clinging on to hair, glasses, earrings, scarves, whatever you can to draw them even closer and with all your might and every ounce of love you can muster you give them THE MOST LOVING EMBRACE KNOWN TO MANKIND.

8. You have a way of making someone feel like they are the most important person in the world by seeking them out in a crowd, flashing your gorgeous grin at them and giving them that knowing look of ‘I know you, I know you know me and I know we have a secret bond.’

9.. You are a whizz at finding and passing objects in the bath when people ask you for them and you particularly enjoy filling cups with water and pouring them out of the bath, mostly in the direction of your daddy or your baby sister.

10. You are THE BEST eater for your age. You eat anything and everything that is healthy and your appetite is out of this world. You can feed yourself tiny things like raisins and chocolate drops and you can also eat an entire apple or pear all by yourself. You can spy a crumb of food from miles away and we call you Inspector Gadget due to your incredible reach. Waitresses and the general public haven’t quite cottoned on to your reaching powers yet.

11. You have fine-tuned your bottom shuffling skills which you’ve been working on for the last three years. You are super speedy and can bottom shuffle without putting your hands down to help propel you along – something even I can’t do but I know you find it funny watching me try. I’m always telling you that your core muscles must be amazing because you can also sit up from lying down without using your hands to help you get up.

12. You are getting good at pulling up from a sitting to kneeling position, usually motivated by mealtimes (where you pull up to your special chair), screens (when someone has left a phone or iPad on the sofa) and cuddles (when your baby sister is having a cuddle and you want in on the action).

13. You can focus on your PODD book or PODD page when your grown ups or older sister are trying to tell you something. You don’t focus for long because it’s also usually a good opportunity to sneak a quick cuddle or hair pull but you’re starting to get more interested nowadays rather than just pushing the PODD book away like you used to.

14. Your little legs have super strength in them and know exactly what to do even if your mind hasn’t quite caught up with the balance and confidence for you to be off walking on your own yet but if an adult holds your hands you can go pretty much wherever you want which is usually in the direction of food, your favourite people or the next door neighbour’s dog.

15. You always get a feeling for when the general public are miserable or need cheering up, usually in hospital waiting rooms, supermarkets or walking down the street and you use these opportunities to perfect your excellent laugh. Sometimes, once you start laughing, you can’t stop which makes us laugh too, then other people smile and sometimes join in with the laughing even if they weren’t feeling happy before. I think this is one of your absolute best skills. We call it ‘bringing the joy’.